I MISS EVERYONE AND EVERY CHAR AND ITS HURTING A LOT EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT MY CHEST HURTS
can erick punch cayne? can he can he?
also hi i failed at life and hi im here
Title: Perfectly out of Key
Album: Imaginary Numbers - EP
Title: ***Flawless (feat. Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche)
There’s a line between drinking with your friends once in a while or getting wasted when you have a bad day, and doing it on a fucking daily basis. Same with screwing around— sex makes everybody feel better but doing it with a different guy every day just adds up to your misery. You say you have hope but you don’t even try to get better. You have been this way since I met you and you’ll continue to be until the day your liver stops working and you fucking die! Old habits may die hard, but I think you’re just going to die with yours, like I’m going to die with mine— we’re really not that different. ”He’s happier not worrying”. You’re such a fucking amazing daughter, aren’t you? Let’s be honest, the real reason you don’t tell your father is because you know he’d do something about it like you should have done but you were too fucking scared of your ex-boyfriend. So what if I’m blunt and offensive? I can only offend people if they care about what I have to say. When you call me blunt and offensive you’re also being blunt, just not offensive because I don’t fucking care about what you have to say about me. I don’t lie so I guess I’m serious, but honestly I spend 23 hours of my day high so I don’t think anyone should take me seriously. But they do and then they get offended and take it out on me by calling me offensive instead of minding their own fucking life and trying to fix their shit. Because I don’t have anywhere else to go? I thought that was pretty obvious. I don’t stay because I like it, I stay because it’s my only option. Do you really think I can just leave Olympus and go wherever the fuck I want? I have a fucking family who’s counting the days until I turn 21 so they can send me to some rehab clinic in fucking Europe because the further I go the happier they will be. And I’m already fucking disowned, erased from all their fucking wills, and money doesn’t grow on trees. While I stay in Olympus my bitch of a mother will send me money, if I leave I’ll get cut off for good. Not everybody has a really good family with a really good father and a really cute little brother who will welcome you home if you decide to leave.
I’m not screwing you over, they are! They are the ones screwing you over, lying to you, but you don’t fucking care because they make you feel better, because they paint you this nice picture of the future and you forget everything. Your ex treated you like crap, that guy—Andy or something—left you, James fucked you and then left you for Juliet, Travis fucked you and your sister, but you don’t fucking care and you forgive them all because they hug you and they tell you that everything is going to be okay and you like to hear that. But still, I make you unhappy because I don’t do that. I don’t tell you that things are going to be okay and that makes you unhappy, but guess that? That’s fucking reality so just wake the fuck up and stop lying to yourself and stop letting them lie to you. I never said you hurt me. I never accused you of doing anything to me. I don’t do this to get back at you. You’re not that special. Yes, I’m an hypocrite. Big fucking deal. What do you even want me to admit? You never like anything of what I have to say. What’s the point of being honest right now if you still think I’m the one who keeps screwing you over and are not going to like anything of what I have to say? Besides nothing of what I have to say is gonna change the way this is going to end— whatever this is.
I’m trying, Cam! I really am! I just can’t do it… But that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up trying! I don’t want to be like this! No matter what I do I’m miserable so so what if I drink and fuck a few people, that makes me feel better even if just for a little bit. It’s better than nothing. Shut the fuck up, alright? Just shut the fuck up. It’s my choice whether or not I tell my dad, I love him and that’s exactly why I don’t want to tell him. You didn’t know Harry, you have no idea what he’s like, I don’t want him in my life in any more! I don’t want to bring my dad into it, it’ll only mean I have to face him all over again. Nobody wants to hear it! Tell me of a single person who wants to have every single one of their flaws and every single one of their fuck ups repeated back to their face? You think I don’t run over each of them already? They run through my head over and over again I don’t want to hear it from someone else as well! So what? I thought you didn’t care about anything… you’ve told me before - multiple times - that you’re going to die young so what does it matter if you’re on the streets? There’s no use for you here and what use will a rehab centre do for you?
Did you listen to me at all? I don’t care, I just want to forget. They’re not screwing me over because they’re giving me what I want. I don’t care if you don’t think that’s good for me because I do. I’ve never forgiven him! I’ll never forgive Harry! I was happy before Harry, I had a future before Harry. I don’t want reality because reality is a fucking sick and twisted joke. Oh you think I see myself as special? What gives you the right to talk to me or anyone the way you do? Don’t you think it’s funny how nobody else around here walks around as though their view on everything is right? You’re not special… You’re just a fucked up asshole with nothing, and so you project you’re miserable life onto others to make yourself feel better. When have you ever cared about whether or not I like what you’re saying? And don’t pretend like you’re about to start. I thought you knew what this is, Cameron… Or at least, what it’s not. We’re not friends, and we don’t care about each other.